After a fine cigar (thanks Jim!), several glasses of vodka, and a day of scootering with Janet, we’ve finalized the cast of characters for Law and Crime: Drunk and Disorderly. (It’s a parody of all the Law and Order / CSI shows on the major networks.) It will be based in the lower Keys, where the police blotter recently reported on two guys getting nailed for snorting coke off the trunk of their car. I think we’ll pitch to ABC, since they seem to be the only network with a sense of humor.
Without further ado:
Jack = Jack Nicholson
Janet = Kathy Bates
Ying/Ron = Vin Diesel
Marlin = Cuba Gooding Jr. (or Richard T. Jones, we’re undecided)
Judy = Holly Hunter
Slick = Bruce Willis
Bait = Katie Holmes
Sled = Jack Black
Barb = Angelica Houston (with a blond wig and impaired coordination)
Kenny = Sean Astin
Laura = Joan Cusack
With special appearances by:
Lois = Betty White Rue McClanahan
John = Harvey Korman
Jim = Robert DeNiro
Linda = Cameron Diaz
I’d do Bruce Willis in a heartbeat, and I can vouch for Slick that he wouldn’t throw Holly Hunter out of bed for at least the next twenty years…sounds like perfect casting to me!
P.S. Does Vin Diesel have a Prince Albert?
Very nice lineup. A couple of suggestions, though:
Marilin = Jamie Foxx (though he might be a bit pricey these days) or LeVar Burton, giving a nod to the Science Fiction and Reading Rainbow fans out there.
Barb = If you could get Meryl Streep you could save on the wig and after a couple shots of frozen Vodka, the coordination thing wouldn’t be acting.
Linda = Keep Cameron Diaz, but I would ask Peter Jackson about using the special effects from LOTR to give her that “tinier than everyone else around her” look.
One special request: Might there be a role for me as a pot dealing preacher in the pilot? A couple years ago I would have figured John Goodman or Marlon Brando in his later years for the role, but now I think Tom Selleck or Mel Gibson for the part. I would even be willing to play myself. I’ve always wanted to get my SAG card.
Came home from teaching today, through the snow and slush, took a nap and dreamed about being with you all in the Keys. Is it next year yet?
Sounds like a good role for you, Rev. Bob. Unfortunately, our casting session ran short so we didn’t get to finish everyone. You’d think at 1am with a wee dram of vodka left in the bottle that folks would still be awake, but half these wussies went to bed.
Yeah, Ying, the gang definately has a different schedule when down there. I was telling everyone how Jack and Jan went to bed at 10pm the first night we were there, but they all just laughed and thought I was fibbing. Guess you need the clear Canadian air to really keep you up all night. It might also have something to do with the fact it is easier to sleep durring the day in the cool boreal forests of the north and not as easy in the sunny, humid Keys.
We watched Trading Spaces tonight, and they were in Key West. Friday, one of the kids that I taught in school had a Florida Keys T-shirt on. Then there are the dreams. Does everyone have it in for me? LOL Have a great night.
Robert Dinero! Boy, am I flattered! I figured that you warped minds would come up with somehing like Pee Wee Herman or Art Linkletter. I liked the Rev’s suggestion about making Linda look little, but I am not sure what she would say.
Glad you enjoyed the cigar. And congrats again to you and Marlin.
Hope to see you before next February.