I’m in the wrong line of business. I should be a grease monkey for a premium automobile dealership.
What they don’t tell you about buying a premium automobile is that they have secretly embedded a nag light in the dashboard under the pretense of alerting you when it is time to get the car serviced. What is being serviced, however, is the dealer’s bank account.
Marlin’s 1998 Acura Integra has been nagging him for weeks to take it in for servicing — the all-important 30,000 mile checkup. This lighted indicator is equally as prominent on the instrument panel as the light that indicates you haven’t fastened your seat belt. Or the light that reminds you if you don’t stop and get gasoline soon you will likely be stranded on a deserted country road where, when found by the locals, you will be forced at gunpoint to “squeal like a pig.”
So Marlin finally took the car in for it’s service checkup this week. They gave him a loaner car to drive to his office. At the end of the day, he went back and retrieved his car. The bill for this routine checkup was $499.95, of which $410.39 was labor charges at a rate of $67.00 per hour. Yes, $67/hr. for such highly specialized work as changing the oil, replacing the air filter, rotating the tires, and topping off the windshield washer fluid. Shit, I did all of this as a 16-year-old kid working at my dad’s service station for $50 a week.
Apparently Acura dealers don’t think their patrons will bat an eyelash at these excessive charges.
They made one critical error, however. The receipt included a detailed list of all the service checks for the life of the vehicle, broken down by 3,750-mile increments. I’ve carefully reviewed the list and determined I am completely qualified to perform all required service items except one: “reset service reminder on dash.”
But I do have wire cutters.
